Phone Love

I recently broke up with Blackberry.  We were together for five long, mostly beautiful years.  It’s not that he wasn’t good to me; in fact he was generous, reliable and trustworthy.  You know—Canadian.  In the end, however, I came to the conclusion that BB, (that was my nickname for him), was too serious and kind of boring.  I thought I could do better.  I guess I just didn’t appreciate what I had.  And truth be told the last year we were together I wasn’t entirely faithful.   Don’t get me wrong, I kept my clothes on, but my eyes and heart were wandering.  I watched as other women cavorted around town, hand and hand with i-phone the new wunderkid from Silicon Valley.  Sexy, youthful women laughing, taking pictures and texting.  My old, staid, BB stood by proudly as I stared longingly at the happy healthy people holding hands.  I can’t imagine he didn’t see the breakup coming.

So now, I’m dating again.  O.K. well dating is probably a little misleading.   I am in a “new relationship” with i-phone—we live together.   I fell hard and just like that (snapping fingers) I kicked BB out of my life and I let i-phone move in with all his apps.  I didn’t even look at his references or demand a demo.   I was told by a reliable source that our relationship would be a snap, a plug and play kinda deal, I should have known better. 

As you can imagine our relationship started out a little rocky, after all we hardly knew each other.   I am on a PC and he never lets me forget it.  I suppose I should have looked into that little fact before I decided to let him move in. 

But he’s sexy.  You know in that “I’m a savant from Stanford” sort of way.  That snarky “I’m smarter and more attractive, so you better keep up,” kind of way?   It can get a little intimidating.  But, like most creative types he’s sensitive to the touch, a nartist really, (that’s part artist, part narcissist).  It’s all about him—every time I go to make a call or send an e-mail he presents me with all kinds of complicated options, “hey try this,”  “what about this?”  All I want to do is make a simple call or send a text but when I touch his shiny screen he quivers and suddenly we’re somewhere else.  He doesn’t know it but I’ve had to call the experts on more than one occasion. 

Between you and me, all the funky new moves he wants me to learn make me a little nervous. I’m not entirely sure I’m up to the challenge.  You know teaching and old dog new tricks. He keeps telling me I need to work on my touch and my voice control.  Just yesterday he said that he’d like to employ the mega pixel camera into our love life.  Next he’s going to be trying to convince me that we need the compass in our bedroom.   BB wasn’t demanding at all, he just liked me to hold on tight and keep him warm.  i-phone?  He’s a live wire.  But I guess I asked for it. 

 My friends tell me not to worry.  They assure me that one day it will hit me smack dab in the face and I will be in love.  I too am hopeful that our relationship will blossom into something very deep and meaningful; otherwise I may be crawling back on my knees and begging BB to take me back.

Tales from a White Collar Recession or is it a Depression?

A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose your job.   (Anonymous Economist)

Last week a friend of mine was laid off from her high paying management job.  It sucks. With three kids in tow and a husband who is an entrepreneur it will be hard for her to make up for that loss. Firing the cleaning lady, laying off the nanny and eating mac and cheese isn’t going to cover the missing six figure income. 

Another friend of mine, in her mid-fifties, just got laid off from the world’s largest software company.  She is the lead bread winner in her family and has made a lot of dough in the past.   Her husband has been Mr. Mom most of their married life due to a serious, ongoing but manageable illness.  She has two teenagers, one in a swank private school and the other heading off to college shortly.  It sucks.

Houses are popping up for sale in our coveted white collar neighborhood like pimples on a teenager.  It leaves me to wonder “is everyone getting laid off?”   It rattles my nerves to hear the stories about well educated, well heeled friends, and friends of friends who have been given “pink slips.”  They are people like me who thought that somehow they would be sheltered from the economic downturn.   

The talking heads on the networks and cable stations are advising people to “retrench,” and “hunker down.”  Let me remind you…these are war terms.   With mortgage payments equaling 50% of a household income…people may have to retrench or hunker down in a different neighborhood.   

I know Obama and his peeps are saying this is a recession but when I see my hard working neighbors putting their houses up for sale because someone lost a job it makes me wonder if it isn’t a little worse than we’re being told.   

Good article if you’re wondering if this is a recession or a depression.

The Oversaturation of the Obamas

The Obamas are everywhere, which is making me nervous.  I mean I loved or love the guy, not sure where I stand now.  Mark Twain said it best: Familiarity breeds contempt. Don’t get me wrong, he’s likable and a whole lot easier on the eyes and ears than that guy we used to have….what was his name?  On second thought, don’t remind me. 

During his first 100 days the Obamas have been plastered on the cover of Oprah, Men’s Health, Men’s Vogue, US Weekly, People Magazine, Vanity Fair, Time, Newsweek, Ebony and The Economist just to name a few, and it makes me uneasy.  I think there should be a presidential rule, no covers of magazines that tout hair growth products or weight loss pills, no magazines that dedicate more than a page of news to a famous breakup, cosmetic surgery innovation or dramatic weight loss before and after story. Birds of a feather flock together.  In the marketing world we call it “managing your brand.”   In my world I call it raising the bar.

Type Barack Obama into You Tube search and you get 194,000 videos.   Turn on CNN, and it’s all Obama all the time.  And it’s not just the news, he’s spending time on Jay Leno while Michelle’s on Oprah, I am beginning to wonder if they have body doubles.  The Obamas and their people are so busy courting the press and sitting for the camera that it makes me wonder when and how do they get the real work done?  It also makes me wonder does the guy sleep or eat.   When does Mr. O have alone time where he can sit quietly, sip on a glass of something or other and ponder the big questions?  After all, isn’t that what we’re paying him for?

When I see the Obama family playing to the crowds through the very media vehicles that helped to get us twisted in this consumer obsessed cycle in the first place, I want to cringe.  It all seems so contrived, so staged.  Wasn’t Obama supposed to be the “real thing?”  By the way, Michelle, there is no way we are buying the fact that you garden in black boots, a short skirt and tights.  Give us a little credit.   

Who are the Obama’s pandering to with their perpetual cheer, constant smiles and tireless attempts at creating the vision of “the all American Family?”    Aren’t these the people who are supposed to help us make a tactical and cultural shift, one that leaves us less enamored with media messages and mass consumerism and more focused on what matters?  Aren’t we supposed to be drawing together to become more mindful caring human beings who want to save the earth from corporate and environmental disaster?   I seriously doubt that anyone voted for the guy in order to disect the

minutia of his life—our worries are much bigger than that.

For the record I don’t care about the dog, the schools, the Easter Egg Hunt or the March Madness bracket.  In fact I think those are red herrings.  Let’s focus on the country and not the side show that is the first family.  It’s been 100 days now of media saturation, and that’s enough.  I am fearful that we’re about to reach the crescendo, the proverbial tipping point where all this love for the man turns into something else, like resentment, suspicion or lack of confidence.   There is something to be said for a little distance, a little mystery.  I once heard a quote, something like “There are times when silence has the loudest voice.”

So, message to the Obama family:  Get off the cover of the glossies, get back to work and get some sleep would you?