Sally Bjornsen Writes

Have you ever been to a competitive eating prize fight? No, not a pie eating contest, not an animal house food fight, but a real life, heavyweight fight to the death for pizza, ice cream, Gatorade, orange juice or bread with butter? 

If you’ve never been lucky enough to witness such an event please, you’re welcome to play the role of spectator at our house. Your first time is free but don’t expect to get fed.  Three times a day the ravenous contenders step into the ring hoping for a comeback title or a TKO.  As the only woman in the house the role of referee naturally falls to me.  You see, I am less inclined to draw blood in a contest for the last piece of something-or-other. 

We have some serious heavy weight champions among us.  But the fiercest and most stealth is Kai Hoyt, a quiet but intimidating opponent. KH, has been known to fill his plate with six pieces of pizza to ensure his take of the prize, lest his younger brother Kalen, weighing in at 200 lbs. and 6’1” throws him a hook and steals the goods.  Cameron, a light weight but ferocious amateur has controversial behavior both inside and outside the ring—screaming obscenities (Mooooommmmmmm) and calling out for help, (Daaaaaddddddd).   Using mind games and unprecedented strategy the small boxer is often disqualified and sent out of the ring.   “That kid has a future,” says four time champion Kalen Tindall, “with maturity, growth and training he’s sure to master his talent and become a formidable challenger, a regular Evander Holyfield.  But until then, what the kid leaves unguarded on his plate is fair game.” 

Care to join?